But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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