xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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