those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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