I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
