Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
