Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
