I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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