Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
