No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
