bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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