You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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