Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
