No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
