Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We had to coat check the pizza.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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