Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
