apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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