after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
