New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
