btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
