I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
