xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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