Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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