Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
