dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
