2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
