Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
