We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
