then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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