whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
