when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I touched a dick in church today
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
