my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
