i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
