I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
