I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
