Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
