Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
