Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
