So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My life is pants optional.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
