I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
