bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
