Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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