Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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