return my video game
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
