My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
