I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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