Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
