Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
