god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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