This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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