I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
