when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
