I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
